Severe Anxiety

| A Happy Heart |

July 27th, 2010 | Author: Pro

Mine. My heart. It’s happy.

There were a few years there where I lost sight of how truly important this is. I had forgotten how to protect my heart from all the wrong things and in turn, suffered some major heartache along the way.

Boys. Friends. My health.

Somewhere in my journey between then and now I developed some bad habits and made certain things priorities that really shouldn’t have been. Long gone was the belief that everyone needs respect and unconditional love.

I look back at my rugged relationship with a boy who didn’t deserve me and reflect upon forlorn friendships that have since become little more than echoes of the laughter we shared. In taking a step back from these things, I can only now see that I had merely forgotten what was most important to me. A happy heart.

The boy doesn’t deserve more words than what has already been said. Book closed.

My friends. Ah, yes. No evil words here. I had surrounded myself with a select few, whose company I thoroughly enjoyed. Lots of great memories we have, these friends and me. As I have spent a great deal of the past year rediscovering who I am, who should be in my life and who shouldn’t, a handful of these friendships were tested.

Everyone tells you that your twenties are some of your most important years. You find your true passions, who you are, your values evolve. Things that once seemed more important than anything else have taken a backseat. In the simplest words, you change.

A friend of mine told me earlier this year that the person I am now is not familiar to her…that she doesn’t know me anymore – sounds cliche, but I don’t think it was meant to be. As an outsider, I can see what she means. Three years ago I wasn’t this girl. I was unhappy. I was fat. I was so unsure of the future that I was suffering severe anxiety attacks because of it. I didn’t believe that I deserved to be loved.

The me now is so different from that girl that yes, I can understand why it would seem unfamiliar. Which is okay. It seems that I have different interests and different priorities now, too. I had forgotten that I LIKE to be active. My health is now more important to me than it’s been in YEARS, which I am very pleased with. The party scene is no longer appealing to me in the “Let’s get blackout drunk” sense.

I’ll tell you now, the difference is surrounding yourself with positive people who you want in your life, and who know without a doubt that they want you in theirs.

The woman I am now is so incredibly familiar to me; I finally found my skin.

It saddens me that I wasted too many years being fat and unhappy and scared…but only for a split second, until I realize that the rain has stopped and it’s time to go outside and play again.

And by golly, PLAY WE DID!

Williams Canyon; 26 July 2010. Probably my favorite new hike!

Natural skylight