Posts Tagged ‘Friendships’

Mine. My heart. It’s happy.

There were a few years there where I lost sight of how truly important this is. I had forgotten how to protect my heart from all the wrong things and in turn, suffered some major heartache along the way.

Boys. Friends. My health.

Somewhere in my journey between then and now I developed some bad habits and made certain things priorities that really shouldn’t have been. Long gone was the belief that everyone needs respect and unconditional love.

I look back at my rugged relationship with a boy who didn’t deserve me and reflect upon forlorn friendships that have since become little more than echoes of the laughter we shared. In taking a step back from these things, I can only now see that I had merely forgotten what was most important to me. A happy heart.

The boy doesn’t deserve more words than what has already been said. Book closed.

My friends. Ah, yes. No evil words here. I had surrounded myself with a select few, whose company I thoroughly enjoyed. Lots of great memories we have, these friends and me. As I have spent a great deal of the past year rediscovering who I am, who should be in my life and who shouldn’t, a handful of these friendships were tested.

Everyone tells you that your twenties are some of your most important years. You find your true passions, who you are, your values evolve. Things that once seemed more important than anything else have taken a backseat. In the simplest words, you change.

A friend of mine told me earlier this year that the person I am now is not familiar to her…that she doesn’t know me anymore – sounds cliche, but I don’t think it was meant to be. As an outsider, I can see what she means. Three years ago I wasn’t this girl. I was unhappy. I was fat. I was so unsure of the future that I was suffering severe anxiety attacks because of it. I didn’t believe that I deserved to be loved.

The me now is so different from that girl that yes, I can understand why it would seem unfamiliar. Which is okay. It seems that I have different interests and different priorities now, too. I had forgotten that I LIKE to be active. My health is now more important to me than it’s been in YEARS, which I am very pleased with. The party scene is no longer appealing to me in the “Let’s get blackout drunk” sense.

I’ll tell you now, the difference is surrounding yourself with positive people who you want in your life, and who know without a doubt that they want you in theirs.

The woman I am now is so incredibly familiar to me; I finally found my skin.

It saddens me that I wasted too many years being fat and unhappy and scared…but only for a split second, until I realize that the rain has stopped and it’s time to go outside and play again.

And by golly, PLAY WE DID!

Williams Canyon; 26 July 2010. Probably my favorite new hike!

Natural skylight

What *rebels* we are!

Wild raspberries! Tastey

…and mountain seashells! As in, seashells found ON the mountainside! Procured a whole handful for the Small One.

Much (happy hiker) love,

I GOT A JOB! That’s right…a company saw fit to hire me. As in, PAY me to do stuff. It’s been a rough 10 months of unemployment filled with lots of ups and downs; it’s put stress on friendships, my self-esteem has been on a rollercoaster. It’s been wicked. However, I am proud to say that I just landed a job with a GREAT company; I think we’re on a swing back into the UP category.

Starting on May 24th I’ll be working for USAA, a military-centered insurance company. I didn’t know much about the company before I applied but the more I learn, the more there is to like. Seriously…go find someone you know that’s in the military and ask them about their insurance. In all seriousness, they’ll probably tell you it’s the best company ever. In the history of the world. Okay maybe not THAT cool, but darn close. I’ll be working as a Member Relationship Specialist which has nothing to do with my degree and that’s okay. It’ll be working with people who seem to really like their jobs doing stuff that they enjoy doing. That right there, makes all the difference in the world.

Next week I’ll be making the 120 mile move from Fort Collins to Colorado Springs. Now I’ll be honest, until a few short months ago, I thought Colorado Springs was little more than a smaller version of Fort Collins. Let’s keep it real: Fort Collins doesn’t have a real mall. It’s a pretend mall with a Victoria’s Secret, a Dairy Queen and one of those teeny-bopper stores most likely called “Angels” or something of the like. It’s not a real mall, much like Pinocchio wasn’t a real boy. Moving along.

Come to find out that Colorado Springs is a CITY. Not a town. Straight up a city. With people. And a downtown nightlife. And TWO real malls. In fact, it’s the second largest city in Colorado. Go freaking figure.

I’ve already found an apartment. It’s a two bedroom, two bath and seriously about two minutes from work. I’ll be able to walk – and probably even ride a bike (after I buy one) – several days a week. Win. I’m so very excited and also anxious to get out and into my own apartment again. I’m headed down to paint this weekend and OF COURSE I’ll be posting before/after pics of the apartment.

I’d also like to mention that I made a pretty hefty investment into my “outdoor lifestyle” commitment I made here. This monster – Pikes Peak – will be in my NEW backyard…

Jacques and I went to the GoLite sale in Boulder this past weekend. I got a STEAL of a deal on a backpacking bag – it’s purple. I mean, if you’re not hiking in style, why hike at all, right?? Glad we’re on the same page about that. It looks just like this one, only prettier – aka purple-ier.

It weighs all of about 3 pounds (a little less) and holds about 3700 cubic inches. Now, because I’m not much of a backpacker (yet), this all means very little to me. I’m sure Jacques will be oh-so-ready to teach me everything. He has most of the other gear that we’ll need. I also purchased some non-cotton clothing because *ahem* apparently it’s none too pleasing to hike in clothing that never dries. I found that one out the hard way…feel free to look back on any of the posts about hiking or snowshoeing in the cold. You get sweaty and it’s cold…and there’s no way to make that get better.

I’m very pleased with my purchases and now I have not only my verbal commitment but a financial one as well.

Tomorrow begins my pack-a-thon to get everything all boxed up before the big move on Tuesday. I’ll say first that I loathe/despise/detest packing. Unpacking is rather fun. You get to pick out the heres and theres and everywheres of all your stuff. You find things you’d forgotten you had – hell it’s been in a box for ten months. But packing is difficult. I’ve already created a kick ass packing mix. BRING. IT. ON.

See you in The Springs…

Much Love, Pro