Posts Tagged ‘Cliche’

Mine. My heart. It’s happy.

There were a few years there where I lost sight of how truly important this is. I had forgotten how to protect my heart from all the wrong things and in turn, suffered some major heartache along the way.

Boys. Friends. My health.

Somewhere in my journey between then and now I developed some bad habits and made certain things priorities that really shouldn’t have been. Long gone was the belief that everyone needs respect and unconditional love.

I look back at my rugged relationship with a boy who didn’t deserve me and reflect upon forlorn friendships that have since become little more than echoes of the laughter we shared. In taking a step back from these things, I can only now see that I had merely forgotten what was most important to me. A happy heart.

The boy doesn’t deserve more words than what has already been said. Book closed.

My friends. Ah, yes. No evil words here. I had surrounded myself with a select few, whose company I thoroughly enjoyed. Lots of great memories we have, these friends and me. As I have spent a great deal of the past year rediscovering who I am, who should be in my life and who shouldn’t, a handful of these friendships were tested.

Everyone tells you that your twenties are some of your most important years. You find your true passions, who you are, your values evolve. Things that once seemed more important than anything else have taken a backseat. In the simplest words, you change.

A friend of mine told me earlier this year that the person I am now is not familiar to her…that she doesn’t know me anymore – sounds cliche, but I don’t think it was meant to be. As an outsider, I can see what she means. Three years ago I wasn’t this girl. I was unhappy. I was fat. I was so unsure of the future that I was suffering severe anxiety attacks because of it. I didn’t believe that I deserved to be loved.

The me now is so different from that girl that yes, I can understand why it would seem unfamiliar. Which is okay. It seems that I have different interests and different priorities now, too. I had forgotten that I LIKE to be active. My health is now more important to me than it’s been in YEARS, which I am very pleased with. The party scene is no longer appealing to me in the “Let’s get blackout drunk” sense.

I’ll tell you now, the difference is surrounding yourself with positive people who you want in your life, and who know without a doubt that they want you in theirs.

The woman I am now is so incredibly familiar to me; I finally found my skin.

It saddens me that I wasted too many years being fat and unhappy and scared…but only for a split second, until I realize that the rain has stopped and it’s time to go outside and play again.

And by golly, PLAY WE DID!

Williams Canyon; 26 July 2010. Probably my favorite new hike!

Natural skylight

What *rebels* we are!

Wild raspberries! Tastey

…and mountain seashells! As in, seashells found ON the mountainside! Procured a whole handful for the Small One.

Much (happy hiker) love,

As I sit here contentedly eating my fat-free pistachio pudding (mmmm, yes it’s green), I smile and realize that my life one short year ago was so very different than it is now. In truth, I think most people could probably say the same, especially during their early 20′s. Though a year ago, I was unsure and admittedly sometimes even frightened of where I would be now, I can without a doubt in my mind say that the difference I see is a good one.

One year ago, I had just graduated from college and was stressing to find a job, not wanting to settle for just anything. I was worried about living on my own for the first time in my life but was excited about finding that oh-so-perfect apartment. I was 2 years into a relationship in which I was neither happy nor unhappy and felt like I had lost my sense of “self.”

I know that everyone throws out the cliche “everything happens for a reason” and I think in this case, it’s true. Oh GOD, is it true. My 2009 started off rough, to say the least. A bad breakup will do that to anyone. While I struggled with it, my friends were by my side every step of the way assuring me that while things seemed difficult, they would most definitely get better – hard to believe at the time…

However the breakup also provided me with something that I hadn’t had much of over the past 2 1/2 years: “me” time – and a lot of it. For the most part it was hard to get used to being alone so much so I tried my hardest to stay busy with friends and movies that I’d seen oh I don’t know, maybe 112 times. Lonely became a familiar feeling. I spent a lot of time thinking about how I should spend this new-found free time…figuring out a way to enjoy it instead of dread it.

I decided to make a promise to myself to figure out what is important to me and my first step in this process is to work on my self-confidence. I’ve decided that I deserve to feel good about my body and I want so badly to make the outside match the inside. So that is my first step. I joined 24 Hour Fitness back in January and have been really good about working out 3-4 days a week, which should be jumping up to 5-6 days a week here shortly. My friend and I joined Weight Watchers (http://www.weightwatchers.com/) together – I lost 3 pounds my first week! – thank you, thank you. In total I’ve lost 11 pounds since I started…and that’s exactly what it is: a start. WeightWatchers seems to be the perfect – oh I don’t want to call it a diet – but it’s really just a program to help you monitor your eating and teach you what to eat and how much. So far, I’m very pleased with it and will continue to update with my progress. Stay tuned.

Hands down my biggest inspiration, besides the promise I’ve made to myself, has been The Biggest Loser. This season was the first that I watched, and to be honest I did miss the first few weeks. However, it quickly became part of my Tuesday routine and my workouts – especially my Wednesday workouts – got harder and harder as the thought of what they were achieving drove me to want to get there too. There is nothing more inspirational than seeing a bunch of people who you would never think in a million years could ever be what others would consider “thin” morph into exactly that. The finale aired last night and I am now more sure than ever that I can do this. I deserve it and I am more than capable. I can’t wait to see what’s in store…just you watch!